I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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