if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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