I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
