It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
