Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
