My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
