he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There r osticjed everywhere
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
