I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
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