she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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