So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
