I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
