Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
