Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
