He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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