Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
