i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
