I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
