I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
