you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
