Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
