you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
