I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
