you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
