The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Randomize
