I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
