I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
