Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
