I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
