He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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