i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
why is half of my head shaved?
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