I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i barfeds in our rink
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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