The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
