everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
