So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
