Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
