his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
