I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
