If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
