I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
