Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
