Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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