Already got asked if we're dating
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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