I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
