you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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