U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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