They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
