You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
