My sheets look like a crime scene.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
