If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just found puke in my bra..
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
