I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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