Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Come share oat with me in your robe
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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