Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
